I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
