Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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