I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
