Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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