508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
