in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
