That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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