I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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