No, drunk sperm still make babies.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just want nice things and good sex
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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