so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
