Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
