did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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