i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
