Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The maid of honor just puked.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
