So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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