During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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