so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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