Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
