I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
