Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
