These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
