i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
