The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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