Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just want to make out with him forever
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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