I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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