It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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