Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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