I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Semen is not good for contacts.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
