dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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