I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
