two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
