So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
