I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm like, not good at living.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
