I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
