2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
