Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
