I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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