why didn't you poke me back
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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