Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
