Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We are all done wearing pants today
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