Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
