She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
