I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His hands were made for my vagina.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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