I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
