yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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