So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
