Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
