Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My pussy is not your playground.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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