I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
