my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
