Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
