My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
two words...techno handjob
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
