dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
