I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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