Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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