coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
