My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
