Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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