i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
