worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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