Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
