So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
