Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
