Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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