he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
