then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
