quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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