Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
