He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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