you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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