There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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