marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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