At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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