I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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