I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
