if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
