no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
