White coat. Heels.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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