Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
