im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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