Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
