I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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