I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
