So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
