Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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