He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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